Tuesday, June 14, 2011

What I've Done & What I've Realized

I managed to accomplish a lot in terms of scanlation in less than a week.
  • [EF] Typesetted Kiss and Never Cry Ch.18
  • [EF] Edited Crush on You 8a
  • [SDS] Finish Typesetting and QCed Chotto Edo Made Ch.1
  • [SDS] QCed Sakura Zensen Ch.7 (on Gimp, nonetheless)
And I have plans for more...
  • [EF] Edit Crush on You 8b & 9a
  • [SDS] Typeset Brave 10 Ch.10 (or find a willing typesetter)
  • [SDS] Finish Typesetting and QCing Angel Hunt Ch.5
  • Other misc. scanlation chores
But, it's only today, that I realized... the internet, my laptop, is the only think I'm really looking at this summer. A double edge sword that recoils every time I use it. (Yeah, I know right? Sporadic bits of fun, it's not all the time) I wish there was somewhere I could go, but in this unknown community, I just feel out of place. Not to mention it's hot beyond all reason and there's no source of shade anywhere.

It really sucks because I want to control how much time I actually spend on my laptop. It's not a good thing for your internet to work all the time! A lot of people freak out when they don't have internet for a month, but I would find that a blessing within a cursing. A break, a definite wall to block me, so I don't need to think about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have the internet and my laptop for the most part. But it makes me sad every time I come back to it all the time.

It's my only connection with my precious friends... it's a form of communication with my father... it's just a way to spend my day away... and my heart yearns for the one on one interaction again. The heartfelt effort it takes to communicate with them. I just want to be able to stand up, walk out of the door and take a nice walk to see people again.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this, but I terribly miss the things I used to be able to do and the people I did it with. And I will terribly miss the new things I've just established in this new place. When it's time to pack up and go again, will I be this fortunate? When will I hit rock bottom? It's only humorous to me, but any OCs that I come up with from The Tale of the Crazy Kid(s) clearly represent a part of me. One character, Utsumi Andou, is a boy who hates the feeling of falling. "I really can't stand falling... It's painful because you never know when you'll hit rock bottom. You're so high up for so long, you forget... There's always something to bring you back to earth. Just like... falling in love." Falling in love with the things you find precious. I really want to learn how to let go of these things.

The only way I'll get there is through spiritual strength in God. There's no influence on my life right now. I think way too much, come up with way too many excuses, and try to understand more than I need to. Even when I try to restrain myself, I still end up thinking too much and I don't know where it stops and begins because it all comes full circle! I'm so at a loss, such a height of hypocrisy and irony, that when I'm falling down, I try to pull myself up needlessly. And when I'm rising to the top, I restrain myself to bottom. Where am I? Am I still at the same place I was before? Have I even stepped away from where I began? I try so hard to understand, but I don't understand anything! So I'm stuck... somewhere. And at this rate, I'll end up in the same place, just... somewhere. Not here, or there, but somewhere.

No comments:

Post a Comment